Thursday, February 7, 2008

The Mystery of the Doo that ‘looked like a small string of Christmas lights dipped in chocolate.'

According to one Poo-poo product site, "Death Begins In The Colon." Citing the Vegetarian Times, drnatura.com, goes on to suggest that "if long pieces of old toxin-filled fecal matter were stuck to the inside of your colon for months or even years" one might being to "feel constipated, bloated and lethargic [with] bowels irritated by this debris day in and day out [potentially] causing what we call IBS." Their testimonials suggest that their product COLONIX de-fecilate the users colon breaking up long pieces of old toxin-filled fecal matter. PS! theres is even a photo gallery of rotten turds extracted whole from people's colons. Reader Beware, you're in for a scare don't go here unless you've got a brown fever that can't can't be quenched by normal text-based poop-chat. PPS! massive updates of poop-shots along with user testimonials in diary form. PPPS! some Colonix users even post their personal emails so that once you've seen their turds (and the amazing brown-nificence) of the Colonix product you can strike up a convo with them and get the real scoop.

Oh "Ken", you did it again:

The description I read on the Colonix website in a testimony sticks in my
mind and has proven true ‘looked like a small string of Christmas lights dipped in chocolate.’

[...] OK. 11:30PM & time for my evening report. First off...let's talk stink...working on and replacing sewage pumps on numerous 600 passenger dinner cruise boats that I was captain on, I thought I knew stink. Matter of fact...stink and I spent a lot of time together throughout the years

[...]I HAVE NEVER, EVER IN ALL MY YEARS SMELLED SOMETHING SO VILE, GROSS, HORRID, PUTRID, FOUL, NOSE HAIR CURLING, VOMIT INDUCING, NASTY OR RETCHED AS THE DAILY PARADE OF INTESTINAL LINING / ROTTAGE THAT I AM EXPELLING FROM MY BODY! If stink was a country, this would be its president!

Oh hey....get this....I was describing my evening of bathroom anthropology to my wife ...and as I was describing how amazing it has been to not have migraines & awful crushing headaches everyday I actually started to tear up & almost started crying!

[...]When I tell you that there are connected/linked lines of lumpage that look toxic & beyond horrifying leaving my body as a result of DrNatura's Colonix you can believe it....I swear this on my eyes!!! No sudden bathroom urges to report...

[...]after only one week of being on this product I am simply amazed that there are some people I talk to about the remarkable experience I am having who simply can't handle, conceive or believe of this concept. I will most likely and very sadly stand over their graves one day thinking ‘this could have probably been avoided had they only been more mature and open minded to trying this product! Guess I will keep telling them though...It's not just my responsibility...IT'S MY DOODY!

3/29/06 – Morning report, morning movement uneventful...Oh and found black pebbles also in the bowl. No...not the Fred Flintstone ‘Pebbles’...these were things that looked old, were somewhat hard and resembled the Goobers/Raisinet's candy...Tonight I expelled a record setting 32 inches of intestinal death complete with what looked like thin white things...worms? Who the hell knows. Naturally being the intrigued/disgusted junior detective I am it seemed a perfect photo op. This time I put a tape measure so you could see that this account is not an exaggeration.

I wonder how long my intestines are... (in Captain Kirk voice) ‘How...much more...can...come out!’ Tea steeping for 6 minutes has me walking, not running to the bathroom

3/30/06 – Welp... 5 movements today...lots and lots of ‘lengths of old intestinal lumpage!’ This is outstanding folks... my results are just like thousands of others...just another Bozo on the bus!! ...Feeling a hot sensation on my intestines this afternoon.

3/31/06 – Nothing much to report. Normal morning BM as it should be...floating brown & fluffy.

4/7/06 (Update) – WELL HOLY CANOLLI...No frickin' wonder I was exhausted yesterday. That seems to be my body's response when I am getting ready to move large amounts of intestinal poison out of my body! AND MOVE IT I DID!!! Gotta be some kind of record...but I don’t think there is any way to enter it into a state fair contest! Yes...this one was a photo opportunity and measured approx. 45" in length! YOWZA! Took photos to prove it. Again, the smell was atrocious and the relief I now feel is astounding! I recommend chopsticks if you are going to be checking things out in the ‘bowl’...better for distance cause you don't wanna be touching this stuff. I have no interest in picking up this stuff with my hands...Evening update: expelled another HUGE amount of the Gob-lee-gook...man...this is an amazing product!

If this product is half as incredible as "Ken" tells me it is. I might just have to buy a case if it. On "Ken's" word (see http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html), I'm going to give DrNatura COLONIX a big brown-town THUMBS UP!!!!!

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