Thursday, February 7, 2008

The Diarrhœa Song

Who could forget the Diarrhœa song. Apparently (according to wikipedia), popularized by the 1989 film Parenthood starring the ever-flatulent Steve Martin, the song originates from the mid 1960's.

the most common verses for "The Diarrhea Song" are sometimes sports, automobile or travel related and can include a uh uh or a cha cha cha after the Diarrhea, Diarrhea part, or sometimes two hand claps at the end of each two-line stanza. All of these are onomatopoetic "Plop, Plop" (Diarrhea, plop, plop, diarrhea.) More recently, especially in written record, it is preferred to use only 'Diarrhea, Diarrhea', allowing the reader to add their own localization based on preference.

Although many different lyrical variations exist, all share the same structure. First, a common activity or scenario is described. Then, the appearance of something soft, runny, smelly, messy, sloppy, squirty, and/or gooey is noted. The terminal lyric confirms that that aforementioned substance is, indeed, diarrhea. As an example of the lyrics, the variation made famous by the movie Parenthood is as follows:
"When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, diarrhea."

Wikipedia also mentions this golden oldy in the notes:

American musical comedy group Da Yoopers also recorded an unrelated song called "Diarrhea" or "Love Song Called Diarrhea", which can be found on their 1988 album Yoop It Up, as well as their 2005 album Songs for Fart Lovers.

The major source for this information comes from one, Official Diarrhea Song Blog, which proports to be "the Authoritative Source on Everything Related to The Diarrhea Song—Maintained By Those Dedicated to Cataloging and Upkeep of The Diarrhea Song In All Its Forms."

Some Examples of tabulated verse found there include:

When you think your friends are joking

but your pants are brown and soaking:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

Now you think you're feeling better

but you keep on getting wetter:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your stomach starts a rollin'

and you're cleaning out your colon:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your stomach really hurts,

and you know that it’s the squirts:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your chillin’ with your daughter

and you feel the poopoo water:

Diarrhea, diarhea.

When you're foecally obsessed

and it splatters on your chest:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re in a Pontiac

and brown comes down your crack:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re sitting in your Chevy

and you feel something heavy:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re rummaging in the attic

and your ass goes automatic:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your bowels are paranoid

and you just busted a 'roid:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re lounging by the pool

and your ass begins to drool:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you smell just like a hog

and you make a liquid log:

Diarrhea, diarrhea.

see also: for more verse and more fun.

*One of my all time favorites:



Diarrhœa, Diarrhœa.

Wiki-Toilet Humor and Wiki-doo's & dungs

Toilet humour or scatological humour is a type of off-colour humour dealing with defecation, urination, flatulence, regurgitation and other presumably disgusting bodily functions. Public reference to bodily functions is taboo in many
cultures. This genre also sees substantial crossover with sexual humour, such as
penis jokes.
Many researchers interpret toilet humour as a rejection of society's demand to reject the taboo. Laughing at toilet humour is thus seen as an act of rebellion.

Wikisaurus to the Rescue: Defecation

*edited for content: the more mundane entries removed

laying pipe
drop a chalupa
float a seabiscuit
hang a brown rat
negotiate the release of the chocolate hostage
see a man about a horse
casting Churchill's reflection (puffy cheeks + cigar = ...)
lay cable
send the big brown boat down the porcelain river
pinch a loaf
making brown
float a phantom barge
drop a hot stick
bowel movement
enjoy a Morebody
Drop the Cosby kids off at the pool
choke a darkie
drop bombs like Hiroshima
Take the Browns to the Super Bowl
twist off a jamacian
flex my browneye
stretch the cinnamon ring
answering the brown alert
wreck the toilet
dispatch one's cargo
take an Irish shave
crank an eight-ball
start a Hershey windstrom
download the brown report
barking spider having a cigar
make a bowl of brown stew
Bomb the porcelain sea
Download a brownload
Logging into the toilet and making a huge download
Erupting the anal volcano
Release a boneless brown troat back in the pond
drop the browns off at the superbowl
sending the brown bus down the hershey highway
Backing the big brown motorhome out of the garage
Giving birth to the Spineless Brownfish
Have an out-of-ass experience
Getting a poo boner
Making butt bread
Solid fart
Launching the Fudge Canoe
Give the Tidy Bowl man a brown friend
Unloading a batch of cigars
Fire Aft Torpedoes
Emptying the lower colon
sprinkling feces in the tidy bowl
having a Castro
stretching the anus
expel some brown waste
cut the monkey's tail
Retrieved from ""


making charlie brown, working out the doo-doo squeezer, Going down to brown town, makin' doo, making a brown burrito, Making a delivery at the fudge factory, makin' brown, doing the brown town shuffle, making foeces, Pulling a brown-town turnaround, dooing the doo, Letting out a brown shout, The 21 dung salute, The charge of the brown brigade, Lighting a brown fire, making stink, Opening the flood gates, Bringing on the brown, dropping a stool, baking a brown layer cake, wrestling the brown bear, Plopping a drop, Sinking the Brown Bess, Dropping a brown pound, Squeezing out the burned beef brisket, Basting the bowl, Laying down the brown, releasing some soil, Deploying the Brown Bomb.

The Mystery of the Doo that ‘looked like a small string of Christmas lights dipped in chocolate.'

According to one Poo-poo product site, "Death Begins In The Colon." Citing the Vegetarian Times,, goes on to suggest that "if long pieces of old toxin-filled fecal matter were stuck to the inside of your colon for months or even years" one might being to "feel constipated, bloated and lethargic [with] bowels irritated by this debris day in and day out [potentially] causing what we call IBS." Their testimonials suggest that their product COLONIX de-fecilate the users colon breaking up long pieces of old toxin-filled fecal matter. PS! theres is even a photo gallery of rotten turds extracted whole from people's colons. Reader Beware, you're in for a scare don't go here unless you've got a brown fever that can't can't be quenched by normal text-based poop-chat. PPS! massive updates of poop-shots along with user testimonials in diary form. PPPS! some Colonix users even post their personal emails so that once you've seen their turds (and the amazing brown-nificence) of the Colonix product you can strike up a convo with them and get the real scoop.

Oh "Ken", you did it again:

The description I read on the Colonix website in a testimony sticks in my
mind and has proven true ‘looked like a small string of Christmas lights dipped in chocolate.’

[...] OK. 11:30PM & time for my evening report. First off...let's talk stink...working on and replacing sewage pumps on numerous 600 passenger dinner cruise boats that I was captain on, I thought I knew stink. Matter of fact...stink and I spent a lot of time together throughout the years


Oh hey....get this....I was describing my evening of bathroom anthropology to my wife ...and as I was describing how amazing it has been to not have migraines & awful crushing headaches everyday I actually started to tear up & almost started crying!

[...]When I tell you that there are connected/linked lines of lumpage that look toxic & beyond horrifying leaving my body as a result of DrNatura's Colonix you can believe it....I swear this on my eyes!!! No sudden bathroom urges to report...

[...]after only one week of being on this product I am simply amazed that there are some people I talk to about the remarkable experience I am having who simply can't handle, conceive or believe of this concept. I will most likely and very sadly stand over their graves one day thinking ‘this could have probably been avoided had they only been more mature and open minded to trying this product! Guess I will keep telling them though...It's not just my responsibility...IT'S MY DOODY!

3/29/06 – Morning report, morning movement uneventful...Oh and found black pebbles also in the bowl. No...not the Fred Flintstone ‘Pebbles’...these were things that looked old, were somewhat hard and resembled the Goobers/Raisinet's candy...Tonight I expelled a record setting 32 inches of intestinal death complete with what looked like thin white things...worms? Who the hell knows. Naturally being the intrigued/disgusted junior detective I am it seemed a perfect photo op. This time I put a tape measure so you could see that this account is not an exaggeration.

I wonder how long my intestines are... (in Captain Kirk voice) ‘How...much more...can...come out!’ Tea steeping for 6 minutes has me walking, not running to the bathroom

3/30/06 – Welp... 5 movements today...lots and lots of ‘lengths of old intestinal lumpage!’ This is outstanding folks... my results are just like thousands of others...just another Bozo on the bus!! ...Feeling a hot sensation on my intestines this afternoon.

3/31/06 – Nothing much to report. Normal morning BM as it should be...floating brown & fluffy.

4/7/06 (Update) – WELL HOLY CANOLLI...No frickin' wonder I was exhausted yesterday. That seems to be my body's response when I am getting ready to move large amounts of intestinal poison out of my body! AND MOVE IT I DID!!! Gotta be some kind of record...but I don’t think there is any way to enter it into a state fair contest! Yes...this one was a photo opportunity and measured approx. 45" in length! YOWZA! Took photos to prove it. Again, the smell was atrocious and the relief I now feel is astounding! I recommend chopsticks if you are going to be checking things out in the ‘bowl’...better for distance cause you don't wanna be touching this stuff. I have no interest in picking up this stuff with my hands...Evening update: expelled another HUGE amount of the is an amazing product!

If this product is half as incredible as "Ken" tells me it is. I might just have to buy a case if it. On "Ken's" word (see, I'm going to give DrNatura COLONIX a big brown-town THUMBS UP!!!!!

Welcome to Brown Town

Another shitty day in brown town.

I heard a rap tap tapping at my cellar door
And what do you you know
Charlie Brown rolled into town
Afumblin' and Afartin'
Charlie Brown smelled s0mething rotten

Brown and pungent, Who's that rapping?
Rapping at my back door?
Why! its semi- solid steve
Hark!,there steven
You gave me such a start
You set me all a-screamin'

Tap, Tap, Tap
Who's that farting at my chamber door
Why its only sally
Good olde sally-Fluid as ever
And just a bit too clever
Oh that sally! Always sassy
When she comes over like molasse(s)

And hark! I hear a knocking
Who's that spider barking?
Who's that piper pipping?
Why its good old Larry
You remember Larry?
-Solid yet uncomfortable
-Viscous and insufferable

Good old Larry -
It was you rapping at my chamber door
I'd know you by your stench,
or the way you make my checks clench.
Good old Larry-
Can't you see I've got a hunch
This rapping at my rear
Really makes my panties bunch
And if you keep up that racket
Your sure to get a brownish packet

A rap, Ah tap, ah tip, tap tapping
Who's that crapping by my chamber door
Why its only Thomas,
Thomas Brown & Honest
Tommy-Tom you've dropped your bomb
But now its time to pucker up
And keep it in Because
if you dare squeeze out
Another putrid drop
I might be forced to
let loose from my rear
A nasty pop, a squirting plop, or
A drowsy drop might just appear

Have it your way Tom
But all your bombs
Cannot but stop
The Brown-glorious arrival
of his emminence
Lord Pooping-stuff,
Commissioner of Caca,
Disseminator of Doodoo,
Professor of Pooping,
Sultan of Stool,
Guardian of Guano,
Bishop of Brown,
Chancellor of Coprology,
Duke of Dung,
Emissary of Excrement
Purveyor of Poo-poo
Bailiff of Bowel Motion
Viscount of Vile
Dean of Diarhea
Prime-mover of poop
Steward of Stink
Foreman of Farts
Captain of Colons

And still what do I hear?
but a rapping at my backmost door